I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
we're so committed to being not committed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
