is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
