there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
