what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
