We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
