If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
