dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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