I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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