I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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