No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My ass is underappreciated
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
