dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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