I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize