plz talk dirty to me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize