My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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