I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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