piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize