I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
