I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
