i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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