I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize