Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
