Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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