whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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