He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
