when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
