she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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