Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
