i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize