Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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