ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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