So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
