I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
