doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
