I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
