I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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