then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
