I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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