He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
