My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
