worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
