I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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