Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
