I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
