I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize