You can't motorboat a personality
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
