check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
