No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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