I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
