What did we do last night that was yellow?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
