i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize