I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
