he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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