I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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