How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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