You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
