I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize