the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
