Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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