I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
