just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
