He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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