I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I cut my penus on the lid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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