I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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