I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
