I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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