I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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