Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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