i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize