I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
