Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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