Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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