hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
3pm strippers are depressing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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