it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
