I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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