He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
