If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
