Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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