I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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