guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
