"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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