Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
