I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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