the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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