He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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