its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
